Two Days of Campus - Revisited by AkM

This was such a fun and surprising post from you! I had written about the campus experience too, capturing my thoughts on meeting you on the first day and saying goodbye on the last. But those were just my perspectives on how I saw those two days. Reading your post revisiting both days made me really happy—it felt like reliving those moments all over again.

I had requested AkM to share her thoughts about those memorable campus days so I could post them on my blog. She graciously agreed, and here they are, shared verbatim, exactly as she wrote them >>>

Sometimes the choices you make turns the best ones you'll ever make. After being married and having a child, I was at this point in my life when I had no idea what I was doing and had very little confidence in my career. However, I stepped outside of my comfort zone and signed up for a course. 

Despite putting in a lot of work, I still struggled with the course and felt unmotivated on some days. Confident for a few days...On some days I struggled with my work, course, having my little son at home and feeling dissatisfied with the group's lack of seriousness as the course neared its completion.

Then it was time for a 2-day campus visit. I was initially enthused about this campus visit, but when the dates arrived and they clashed with days that were emotionally significant to me, I lost all interest. I planned to travel from my hometown to campus. Due to the unavailability of flights, I had no choice but to arrive on the day the campus session was supposed to start..

Being an introvert, the notion of meeting so many people and being away from my child made me quite sceptical of my plans to visit the campus. But inspite of being full of overwhelmed emotions I thought to make it through.

The batch's WhatsApp group was full of updates and images. I kept opening and exiting it, uninterested in what was going on. I just knew one thing. I need to give my presentation, complete the course, and depart. The majority of people had already formed subgroups within their cities, and practically everyone had spent the day exploring the cities, eating local cuisine, and talking with one another. While in flight, I was aware that I would stand out among a group of strangers, which made me feel uneasy. However, in my subconscious, I continued monitoring the conversation for updates for one specific person.  Not that he was a friend, but I always felt some connection with him since the beginning of the sessions. He participated in a couple group projects and had brief project-related encounters with him. My mind kept searching for him and his updates on the gang... 

I considered skipping the first lecture and sneaking in during the tea break afterward so that no one would notice me, as I did not want to be in the spotlight by entering the class in the middle of the session.

When I arrived on campus, the course moderator directed me to where the class would be held. I reluctantly made a loose plan to enter the classroom and find my seat without making eye contact with anyone. As soon as I walked into class, everyone was gazing at me, and I just found my seat and sat there, feeling uncomfortable. As soon as I sat down and relaxed, I noticed him seated in front of me with his project group.

During the tea break, I interacted with a few others and spoke briefly with him. After lunch, I had a quick conversation with him on the project update. He understood how frustrated I was with my group and their lack of involvement because we had previously worked with same set of people on few other projects.

The entire group had plans for the evening, including eating street cuisine and exploring the city. Although I was in a very different mental state, I decided to go out with them or i knew i will  become overwhelmed by my feelings. And so I joined them. I was attempting to mingle with other people and talk to them about various issues, but my gaze kept returning to him because he was the only one I felt I knew. When we arrived in the city, we were divided into groups: some focused on locating delicious street food, others on shopping, and so on. I was trying to figure out what to do and where to go, and fortunately, I found him as soon as I turned back.We exchanged smiles before he asked if I could help him with his shopping. I had nowhere to go because everyone had already formed groups, so I figured why not. Then, with a group of folks, we went shopping. After shopping, someone recommended some food joints so we decided to try it out. From shopping to travelling to the food place in a rickshaw, we had a few discussions, and I greatly enjoyed his company. . I really wanted to be with him and get to know him better. While the rest of the batch planned to go to a pub, I planned to return to campus because this is not something I enjoy, especially on that particular day. But when he claimed he didn't drink and invited me to accompany him, I was fine with it because his companionship was something I was dint mind.

I was trying to spend every time with him, even if it was as foolish as going for a paan. The guys in the group made sure that we gals took a cab first to the pub. I so wanted him to join us instead of the other one guy who accompanied us in the cab. I arrived at the pub before him. Clearly, the pub and so many people with drinks in their hands were making me too uncomfortable. It had been so long, and I could not see any sign of him coming. I wanted to call or message him and ask in how much time was he coming.. And I was so overwhelmed by my own feelings, the things around me, a few batchmates, and his absence that I wanted to cry and flee. He arrived shortly later. I was so relieved to see him here, and I just wanted to hug him or thank him for coming. As others began to drink and move to the dance floor, I became increasingly uneasy. I was sitting there, attempting to strike up a conversation with one or two people in order to avoid being forced to join the dance floor. And here he was again, my rescuer, informing me that he was returning to campus and asking if I wanted to join. Without hesitation, I answered yes, expecting that on my way back home, I would have the opportunity to speak with him again, something I had been looking forward to. Unknowingly, I was seeking for his company right now. But the odds appeared to be against us, and a few more people wanted to return to campus, so they joined us. I was pissed off about it, but I couldn't express it. So I sat in the cab, interacting both with the other and with him.

When I returned to my room, I changed into comfortable clothing, sat beneath the cover to stay warm, talked to my husband. And then i messaged him and thanked him for being a constant saviour.We texted for around 15 minutes before receiving a surprise message in the middle of a normal conversation.

Ping if not sleepy and have the energy for walk. We can take one campus round.”  

I was in the mood to curl up in my blanket, check Instagram, maybe watch some standup videos and then go asleep because I had been awake since early morning and was emotionally overloaded. But it only took me a second to tell him yes and that I am not sleepy. He then invited me to meet him at the reception. All my sloth went in an instant. I quickly got up, wore my ballerinas, took my jacket, and subsequently shifted from ballerinas to my comfortable flip flops, and I didn't want any discomfort to come between this. ;) 

I stepped outside the room. I heard a few batchmates' voices as they returned to the campus. So I waited for them to go before heading to the reception, as I didn't want anyone to notice. He was waiting for me at the reception. We stepped out. It was too cold for me to bear, and I already had a sore throat. I was carrying just one jacket. So that was my only bet. When he noticed me shivering from the cold, he enquired if I was comfortable. I confidently said, "Yeah, yeah." This cold is usual where we live. But I didn't tell him that it was too chilly for me, and I was hungry.

We started walking... A walk altered my mind about coming to campus. A walk brought me someone very special... A walk that will be remembered and treasured for the rest of my life.

We talked for about an hour without any other thoughts…without worrying about things back at home..right from why we joined this course to our family back there…right from our vacations to what all we love to do in our kind of vacations… .our opinions and thoughts on few things, people, aspects of life…my emotions at that moment about things that i had left on that day and came here… I almost choked at a point telling him about things at home and how things were for past 2 years…. At one point i just wanted to hug him and cry but then i realised this would be inappropriate…. I believe this was the most carefree walk I had in years. I was here to be myself without fear of being condemned. It felt like I'd known him for years. It was very easy to talk to him. Everything was effortless. It just clicked for him. Here I was having a fantastic talk with him while walking around the tranquil and serene campus. The silence, calmness, and serenity of the chat, along with the feeling of getting to know him, made me smile from within..By this point, I'd entirely forgotten about my sore heels, the cold, and hunger. I got engrossed in our chats. I was relishing the fact that I could finally be the carefree version of myself after so many years. Even though I was the mature one with controlled thoughts at times, I still wanted to trust him after our first meeting. I wanted to express all of my emotions in front of him because I was overwhelmed by them. That walk brightened my day. We toured the entire campus. After one round, he told us to wrap it up..I wanted to say let's have another round but thought he might be weary as well and it was getting cold, so I agreed, bid him goodbye, and went to my room.

As soon as I returned to the hotel, I sent him a message thanking him for providing me with companionship, which I desperately needed today, and we had a few talks. I wanted to continue the chat because I like his company so much. Being around him brought a grin to my face every time. I gave him a subtle signal that this was a new environment and that going asleep would be tough. He shared that he struggles to sleep in new places. Then we started talking about music again for a while, until his batch fell asleep.  When I told him he could sleep if he was sleepy, he stated he wasn't but would give it a go... I quietly gave him a signal that I will be perusing Instagram for a while.

He said goodnight and went to sleep... I was staring at the screen, and he didn't understand what I was saying. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️.

I scrolled the internet and fell asleep for a while.

I awoke to the sounds of birds and peacocks, as my new surroundings rarely allow for deep slumber. When I woke up, I checked my Whatsapp and found no messages. I believed he was not awake yet...I decided to take a round in the hopes of stumbling into him and talking to him again for a few minutes. Then I opened to check the batch WhatsApp group. People were sharing photographs from their morning stroll. I downloaded a few of them to see who was hanging out so that I could take a call whether I should go or not.

I saw photos of him with other batchmates in other locations.

I wasn't expected to react to it... Does it matter if he goes out with other batchmates? I met and knew him, but my emotions were controlled by wrath. At such times, I begin talking to myself in my head, and there I was, conversing with myself. He already has numerous pals to spend out with. How does it matter to him if I am not present?

He has a set of friends,  with whom he is spending two days and with whom he communicates even when in Bangalore. It doesn't matter to him if you're there or not. The other mind was saying it's okay. What if you had a good walk last night? He does not owe you anything... You had a great time... Be happy about it.

I felt uninterested in meeting new people and lost the motivation to do so. I was interested in meeting him, but now I don't want to meet him. I decided to leave the room later in the morning for breakfast just before the class.

Post breakfast (where still i could not see him) i went directly to the lecture where i saw him sitting in front of me… we exchanged a brief look or a smile may be….

It was lunch break and I hurriedly came to have lunch leaving other girls out there talking as i was really hungry… in anger i had hardly eaten any breakfast and now the headache had started badly…

He and a bunch of guys were already having lunch at a table... Joining them would have been awkward, so I took my lunch and sat at a separate table. Others began to join me, and I began to converse with them about various topics. Then one batchmate sat on my table... I was annoyed by his jokes and didn't want to cope with them.To my amazement, He approached and sat next him. His presence was extremely reassuring to me. Even if that guy bothers me, I know he will always support me if necessary. 

As a slow eater, I was one of the last to finish my meal, but I was glad to have his companionship with a few others. After lunch, a friend asked if we might take a little walk around campus. We asked him as a courtesy as he was standing there. And he agreed right away, and the three of us went for a walk around the campus, talking about work, our student lives, our routines, and so on. Though I wished this walk might be simply the two of us, I didn’t dislike it this way either...

As his mere presence made me feel good and smile. While walking, I remembered that we had discussed taking a picture together, which we don't particularly enjoy but will serve as a remembrance. I couldn't say anything in front of the other friend because it seemed weird, and he didn't recall it either. I preferred to remain silent to avoid sending the incorrect impression. During the lecture, I texted him that we forgot to take a picture. During the tea break, he suggested we take a photo at the desk. So i sneaked back into the room while others were having tea so that we could have a click before others joined in…..

Now as soon as the ending of the course neared a realisation hit me that these 2 carefree days , days with him are about to end.. while i was contemplating these thoughts he msgd It was really good meeting and having face against the name and thanked for the photo… i thanked him that i got a good friend😊

Following the lectures, everyone was busy photographing the entire batch, as well as the sub-groups they had formed based on city. As I was not a part of any of these groups, I called home to check on things. Some incidents there made me apprehensive and triggered a torrent of emotions...

While I was coming back to the room, he walked over to see if I was all right, having picked up on the fact that I had gotten a cold the night before. When I told him my condition was worsening, he suggested I obtain some medication from the campus pharmacy. I agreed and said I would go there. He must have sensed how careless i am about myself it seems,. He offered to accompany me to the pharmacy, obtain medications, before heading to his room and packing up...I insisted him that I will go and pick it up myself…. But he wasnt ready to listen… While heading down to the store, my feelings began to surface. I told him what was going on at home and how worried I was about it. 

We obtained the medications, and on the way back, I broke down for a few moments, with tears streaming down my face. He picked a nearby location and urged me to sit there and calm down first. He kept standing beside me, finding words to console me. He was naive about consoling but his presence was comforting. I hoped I could hug him or have him tap my head and say it's okay to express myself. But he stood there trying to find the perfect words, and I instantly tried to bring myself back as I was always meant to be the tough one. How could I easily break down in front of someone I hardly knew…. 

We returned to the area near our rooms, where many batchmates were gathering to say goodbye before returning to their respective lives. We stood among a group of batchmates, talking to each other. I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible before he departed because he brought me comfort. I kept staring at him in every possible way. I felt a peculiar connection with him and had no idea what was going on. We shall return to our daily routines tomorrow, and I will miss our carefree time together. 

I kept staring at his eyes, feeling as if I'd known them for a long time. The thought of losing him made me weak, and I struggled to hold back tears. During a conversation with a few classmates about their love for games like Pokemon Go, I couldn't help but feel jealous that he had so many people around him, while I was stuck on campus with no idea what to do or how to spend my time. Deep down, I wanted to share my emotions with him.

He went to his room to pack and prepare to depart. When his cab arrived, he bid farewell to me. I said goodbye to him until he sat in the cab and turned around to take a phone call, allowing me to wipe my tears and avoid talking to people I didn't want to talk to at the time. I wanted to be alone or with him at that time. I kept thinking, "He's gone and we won't talk much."

Later that evening, I went out with a few batchmates on campus, but I wasn't very interested in engaging with them. My mind wandered to what if he stayed back today. What if he misses his flight and has to return to the Campus again? If he was worried about me, why didn't he stay back today? I'm missing him while he's playing some Stupid Pokemon Go game with some stupid friends. I messaged him to see if he had arrived at the airport. We exchanged a few messages trying our best to stay connected.

As soon as I landed in the same place where we were hanging out yesterday, thoughts of his company and our chats came back to me. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't stop missing him and constantly checked his chat window for new messages. I kept convincing myself that he was playing Pokémon Go and having good time with his "Bangalore" friends.

I had dinner with others hanged out a bit and came back to campus…. We were texting infrequently between all this telling each other about our updates…. Then we shared some music and he told that his flight is about to take off….

And inspite of being sleepy and tired and unwell i still was waiting for his msg that he has landed….

Although i had a little hope that he would update me about that but still here i was waiting to listen from him….

He pinged as soon as he landed and till the time he reached home we had a goood conversation about aoo many things…. 

He wished mw goodnight as soon as he reached and i also locked my phone and went to sleep…

As i left for the airport and texting him about my whereabouts and having lighter conversations with him…. He made sure i was alright by having constant conversations till the time he handed me over to safe hands…..my husband…. 

These 2 days of campus gave me soo many things…. It gave me my 2 days of carefree time…. A time where i was free of any responsibilities…. I felt as free as a bird least bothered about my family my husband and son back there…. 

But most importantly it gave me a person…. Who unknowingly had touched my life in a deep way…. A person who felt like some lost connection i found back… a person with whom i had developed strange feelings and liking…. A gentleman who cared in his own ways…. A person with whom i wanted to stay connected…..