The Unposted Letter

AkM, thanks for your letter.. loved it.

My Love,

I am pretty late in sending you this one. We have been tied in soo many real life commitments. so just thought of sending you this one in middle of your mess and chaos in hopes to bring a smile and a cute dimple on that face ;)

The other day my reply to your message was incomplete. I tried taking out really a good time to draft the best possible thoughts and feelings but then realised no time is enough and no words are enough to let you know what i feel..... Probably in some relations words and gratitude might just be a way to tell how you feel but it can never completely justify what i feel about this....

I know from past few days i have been talking about balancing, keeping this forever, sustainability, reduced talks and connects, stress, health impact and pata nahi kya kya... Its my mind that wants to say this to you.... its my mind that wants your well being... its my mind that wants to balance this....its my mind that is practical.

But do you know what my heart wants? 

My heart wants to talk to you all the time. My heart wants all the freedom when with you. My heart wants to surrender itself to you when i m with you...My heart wants to love you with all purity. my heart wants this soulful connection always. My heart wants to be with you if you need me at any hour be it midnight or early morning or afternoon...just anytime.....

and i really have a tough time balancing my heart and mind.... But i know i need to balance both else i will loose this....and you know this is where my heart is...this is where my life is...this is where my trust is.....

i know you are having a tough time with these thoughts and balancing and fears and gut feels...... and its not in ur hands i know that as well..... and with love comes fears.... and we know how much we want this and how much practical it is with the extent to which we want it....all these thoughts can be really overwhelming for you dear i know and understand that completely..... so as you juggle with these thoughts and fears i would want to make you feel a little better with few assurances....

* Things might change a bit in terms of frequency of communication but this is staying like this...this one is not soo weak ki kam communication se cheeze change ho jaaye.

* No matter how irrelevant anything is i will still keep you bugging by telling u everything what is happening in my life back here.

* Even if you are unable to reply back immediately, i will understand your situation

and not make any notions without discussing.

* When in doubt, anger, hurt I will always always always discuss with you first before even discussing with myself.

* And no matter what, i will make you feel comfortable so that you can just talk your hearts out each day each hour whenever you want...

 I will always trust this and love you more than myself. And yeah this is the same zone love that was in April but more deeper.... God has given us this as a blessing. You are what God has sent me to show how much he loves me, he sent you to tell me to have faith in him when i had lost it in him. He  really has his love respect and faith even more deeper.. Through you i understood soo many feelings of what love, faith, trust, understanding, pure and soulful connection feels like and i will pray to him to let me keep this with me forever and i m sure he will bless me with that ... 

I dunno how more i can assure you but i will keep dropping by each time i feel you are worried about it..even slightest worry and u will find me beside yu holding ur hands looking into ur eyes and assuring you of this one...

Lots of Love and Hugs :)

Reply:

Sweetheart, I always love reading your letters. They bring a smile to my face every time I read them. I understand your hectic schedule, and I have a lot of patience to wait for such letters. ;)

I know you so well, dear. Both of us often struggle between our minds and hearts. Let’s take turns opening up about our feelings while the other manages with their mind. As I mentioned this morning, yes, a lesser connection does affect me, and my heart doesn’t want to settle for anything less. I trust you completely—I know you’ll make sure our love only grows stronger.

Aur haan, yeh zone wala hi hai. Because I don’t want to lose this by changing the zone. The zone keeps getting deeper, and I love every bit of it. You’d be the first person I’d let know if something bothered me. Because if I don’t, it will come out in some way or another in my texts, and I wouldn’t want you to interpret them differently from what they truly mean.

As much as I struggle to find balance, I agree there’s no choice but to maintain it—for both of us. Love you so much, dear.